Forgetting, Part 1

June 16, 2013

Events are what he forgets. Although, to be fair, I’ve never really been certain he ever remembered them. Often all he would recall of any happening was just the mood (generally his own, generally positive) but any specifics or details: not so much.

Or if he did remember, he never came clean. Which probably means he never remembered — as long as I’ve known my father, he’s always seemed as clean as could be. He was always very consistent. By and large, when it came to anything, what he would remember was the mood — the specifics and details, not so much. And the truth of every matter is in the repetition. And — truth is — my father could be very repetitious.

Today with his dementia, he lives in a rest home with 24-hour care. But he doesn’t suffer dementia. By the looks of it, the forgetting seems to agree with him.

What is it a symptom of that I think it’s strange that nowadays I probably count as an older person? (Or at least middle-aged.) Such an unsettling turn of events. Specifically when I think young people — these kids nowadays. To them everything seems so important, so vital, so hang-in-the-balance. Their conversations, their phones, their apps. That TV show, that was the best ever! But the things they look at and talk about seem like nothing to me. And so I think, don’t they know? Don’t they know there’s a threshold before anything can become something? And this is how I think even after living my whole life in a manner that’s been easy. And the things they consider their tragedies and comedies still leave me agape. Kids nowadays!

I can no longer remember (if I could ever remember) if I thought like them back then, back in the day when I was that age. Was I once upon a time that superficial? My memory fails. But is this a product of my failing memory or of having failed to memorize it in the first place?

Maybe that’s the symptom of youth, the absence of memory: personal and public, individual and cultural, deliberate or accidental. And a youthful luxury it is: no past, no history, no regret, no failure. Freedom from comparison: Everything happening right now is so important!